Welcome back, friends. We’ve been diving deep into the emotional, spiritual, and relational side of personal finance, and I appreciate you showing up for these honest, sometimes uncomfortable, conversations. The first time you join us, you're our guest, but when you come back, you're officially one of us.

Today, we're going to tackle a question I spent years avoiding: Why do I keep doing the same financially d-u-m-b, stupid things? Why do I manage to blow up my own budget? Why do I fight with my husband about money, even when we agree on the goal?

The answer? I am hardheaded and stubborn.  Also, my past was spending my present.

The Unwritten Rulebook From Childhood

Think back to when you were a kid. What was the vibe in your house around money?

• Did your parents argue about it behind closed doors?

• Did they hide purchases from each other? (Note, hiding gifts is different)

• Was money something you never talked about, like a taboo subject?

• Was there a constant sense of scarcity—the freezer was always full, but you were told to be careful because 'money doesn't grow on trees'?

• Or was it free-flowing—a new car every few years, credit cards used for everything, a sense that the world was an ATM?

• Was it a mix of all these?

The little sponge-for-brains we were as kids absorbed all of that. We watched our parents, and without realizing it, we internalized their money habits as “So, that’s how it’s done”.

It wasn't taught to us in a classroom; it was demonstrated to us in the kitchen, the checkout line, and the car dealership.

• If your mom used shopping as therapy after a hard day, guess what your adult self turns to when you're stressed?

• If your dad always had the newest gadget and financed it without a second thought, you learned that debt is a necessary tool for success.

• If your parents kept their financial lives completely separate, you might struggle with transparency and real partnership with your own spouse.

These are the money personalities we inherited. They are the unconscious scripts running in the background of your brain, making decisions for you before your logical, adult self even has a chance to step in.

I was no different. I watched my parents handle money in a way that ultimately led to my own $186k mess. They were good people, they loved us, but they were also a couple of generations deep into the "borrow money for everything" lie. They were taught that you needed a credit card and a car loan to be a responsible adult. Again, that credit score was the all powerful driver for a lot of what they did.  That's the script I inherited.

The hard truth is: You are living out your parents' financial patterns, whether they were good or bad, until you consciously choose to break them.

The Generational Weight of Our Decisions

This idea of carrying the habits and consequences of our ancestors is not new; the Bible is full of it. It’s called generational sin or generational patterns.

In my first blog, I shared how my husband and I felt trapped and enslaved by our debt. That's heavy language, but it's exactly what Proverbs 22:7 tells us: "The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender."

When we look at debt through the lens of generational patterns, it gets even heavier. Think about Exodus 34:7, where God speaks about His nature: "keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation."

That verse used to scare me. But I've come to see it not as a cruel sentence, but as a stark warning and a reality check. It means the bad choices, the iniquity, we make today will naturally create consequences that follow our kids and their kids.

• When I chose to finance a $400/month car payment, I was creating a payment my future self, the pregnant, scared, soon-to-be-mom self, had to pay.

• When our parents' generation normalized student loans, they set the financial floor for our generation much lower than their own, shackling us with debt right out of the gate.

• When we fight about money and fail to teach our kids how to budget, save, and give, we are visiting that iniquity on the next generation.

We are all dealing with the consequences of the financial patterns passed down to us. We didn't ask for the shame, the fear, or the debt-is-normal mindset, and yet, here we are.

Breaking the Cycle: Becoming the Diligent Generation

The good news is that while the iniquity of the fathers may be visited upon us, we do not have to accept the title of slave to the lender. Visit, not live.  We do not have to live in that place.  We have the power to stop the pattern.

It starts by doing two simple, but brutally honest, things:

1. Name the Pattern

We have talked about this before, you can't change what you don't acknowledge. You need to identify the script your past is running.

• Are you a "Spender" because your parents used money to manage emotions or impress others?

• Are you an "Avoider" because money caused so much stress in your childhood that you just refuse to look at your bank account now?

• Are you a "Saver/Hoarder" who has tons of money but lives in fear and can't enjoy anything, because you watched your parents survive a crisis?

Take a minute. What is your Money Personality, and where did it come from? Be honest. No judgment here, only awareness.

2. Choose a New Verse

The world gives us a script filled with debt, consumerism, and comparison. Your parents gave you a script they inherited. But you get to choose a new, divinely-inspired script.

Our new script is found in Proverbs 21:5: “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”

We were hasty for years with the spending without thinking, buying without planning, acting on those old, unexamined childhood scripts. Now, we are choosing to be diligent.

Being diligent means:

• Sitting down with your spouse and committing to radical financial transparency, even if it's scary.

• Creating a plan (that dirty budget word) that tells your money where to go, instead of letting your emotional past or childhood script boss it around.

• Teaching your kids what your parents didn't teach you. Stop the cycle with your generation.

You don't need a finance degree to do this. You just need a willing heart, an honest look at your past, and the courage to say: "The buck stops here."

You get to be the generation that breaks the curse. You get to be the one who chooses the blessing of diligence over the pattern of hasty poverty.

If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or embarrassed about your finances, friend, I've been there. You're not alone. The patterns are strong, but your power to choose is stronger.

Your Turn

I want to hear from you. Drop a comment below and tell me: What is one financial habit you realize you inherited from your parents (good or bad)?

No judgment here. Just honesty, community, and the shared goal of building a better future.

And if you're ready to break free from these generational patterns and start living a different way; if you're tired of the payments, the stress, the feeling of being trapped; click the button below to schedule a free call with me. Let's talk about where you are and where you want to be. You don't have to do this alone.

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