Welcome back friends. We're diving deeper into the emotional side of our personal finances. For those of you just joining the conversation, please know this: you don't have to carry this burden alone. We don't judge or shame here; we share, listen, and support. The first time you join us, you're our guest, but when you come back, you're officially one of us.

Today we're going deep. We're talking about identity. About worth. About that sneaky voice in your head that whispers you're not enough because your bank account isn't enough.

This one's going to sting a little. But I promise, there's freedom on the other side.

The Question That Broke Me

A few years ago, I was at an event and we were doing one of those icebreaker exercises where you go around the circle and introduce yourself. You know the drill: name, rank, serial number.

Simple enough, right?

Except when it got to me, I froze. Not because I didn't know what to say, but because I realized I didn't know who I was outside of what I did and what I had.

"I'm Amanda. I work in finance. My husband and I just bought a house in Texas. We have two kids."

On paper, it sounded good. Successful, even. But inside? I felt hollow. Because if you took away the job title, the house, the "we're doing fine" exterior, who was I really?

And here's the part that scared me: I didn't know.

I had tied my entire identity to my income, my possessions, and my ability to look like I had it all together. And underneath all of that? I was drowning in $186k of debt and pretending I wasn't.

Proverbs 23:4-5 says, “Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist. When your eyes light on it, it is gone, for suddenly it sprouts wings, flying like an eagle toward heaven.”

Money is a terrible foundation to build your identity on. Because it's not stable. It's not reliable. It flies away.

And when it does? You're left standing there wondering who you are without it.

The Comparison Trap

Let's be honest about something we don't talk about enough: we compare ourselves to everyone.

I did it constantly. Still catch myself doing it if I'm not careful.

We'd go to someone's house for dinner, and I'd notice their furniture was nicer than ours. Their kitchen was updated. Their kids had the trendy clothes. And immediately, without even realizing it, I'd feel less than.

Or I'd see someone at church driving a new car and think, “What do they do? How much do they make?”

Social media made it a thousand times worse. Everyone's highlight reel. Everyone's vacation photos. Everyone's "blessed" posts with their new purchase or promotion or whatever.

And every single post felt like evidence that I wasn't measuring up.

Here's what I didn't understand then: I was measuring my worth by their wealth. I was letting other people's bank accounts determine my value as a person.

That's exhausting. And it's a lie.

Psalm 139:14 tells us, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Not fearfully and adequately financed. Not wonderfully mortgaged. Made. By God. On purpose. With intention.

Your value was set before you ever earned a dollar. Before you ever bought a thing. Before you ever had a credit score or a savings account or a 401k.

But man, we forget that fast when we're scrolling Instagram or sitting in someone's updated kitchen.

The Job Title Trap

I worked at an investment group right out of college. It sounded impressive. When people asked what I did, I could see their eyebrows raise a little. "Oh, investments. That's great."

And I'd feel a little taller. A little more valuable. A little more somebody.

My job title became my identity. My salary became my worth. The climb up the ladder became the measure of my success as a human being.

But here's what that cost me: I was willing to sacrifice time with my family, my health, my peace, my actual life—all so I could keep climbing. All so I could keep earning. All so I could keep feeling like I mattered.

Looking back, I can see it so clearly now. I was chasing a moving target. Because there was always someone making more. Always a higher position. Always another level I hadn't reached yet.

It was never going to be enough. I was never going to arrive.

Ecclesiastes 5:10 nails it: "He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity."

Vanity. Chasing wind. Empty.

That's what it feels like when you tie your identity to your income. You can never rest. You can never just be. You're always performing, always achieving, always proving.

And friend, that's no way to live.

The Shame of "Not Enough"

Here's the part I really hate admitting: I felt ashamed of where we were financially.

We weren't poor. We had jobs. We had a house. We looked fine on the outside.

But I knew. I knew about the debt. I knew we were one emergency away from disaster. I knew we were barely making it despite looking like we had it together.

And I felt like a failure.

A failure as a wife because I couldn't "provide" the way I thought I should. A failure as a mom because I couldn't afford all the things other kids had. A failure as a person because I had a Master's degree in Finance and still managed to rack up nearly $200k in debt.

The shame was suffocating. And it kept me silent. Isolated. Pretending everything was fine while internally falling apart.

I didn't want anyone to know the truth because I thought the truth meant I was worthless.

If you're sitting there reading this and nodding because you feel the same way, I need you to hear this: Your financial situation does not determine your value as a human being.

Read that again. Out loud if you need to.

You are not your debt. You are not your credit score. You are not your bank account balance or your salary or the square footage of your house or the car you drive.

Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

You are made in the image of God. That's your identity. That's your worth. And that doesn't change based on your financial statement.

The "I'll Be Happy When..." Myth

I told myself for years that I'd be happy when we made more money. When we paid off the debt. When we could afford the nicer house, the better car, the vacations everyone else seemed to take.

I put my joy on layaway. I'd be worthy of happiness when. I'd feel successful when. I'd feel enough when.

But here's what I learned: when never comes.

Because even when we paid off that debt? Even when our income increased? Even when we could finally breathe a little financially? There was still that voice whispering, "Yeah, but what about..."

The goalpost keeps moving. The "when" keeps changing. Because the problem was never really about the money. It was about my heart.

Proverbs 4:23 warns us, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."

What's in your heart flows out into your life. And if your heart believes your worth comes from your wealth, you'll never have enough. You'll never be enough. You'll spend your whole life chasing something that was never going to satisfy you in the first place.

I had to learn to guard my heart. To protect it from the lies. To remind it, sometimes daily, of what was actually true.

What Changed For Me

I wish I could tell you there was one magic moment where everything clicked and I suddenly understood my worth apart from money. But it wasn't like that.

It was slow. Messy. Full of backsliding and moments where I forgot and went right back to comparing or feeling less than or tying my value to my bank account.

But here's what started to shift things:

I started spending more time in the Word. Not just reading it, but really sitting with it. Asking God to show me how He saw me. Who He said I was.

And over time, slowly, those truths started to sink deeper than the lies.

I started being honest with people. Not everyone, but a few trusted friends. I told them about the debt. About the shame. About feeling like I wasn't enough. And you know what happened? They didn't reject me. They didn't think less of me. They said, "Me too. I thought I was the only one."

That's when I realized: we're all walking around carrying the same shame, all feeling alone, all pretending we have it together. And the enemy loves that. He loves us isolated and silent.

But James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."

There's healing in honesty. In confession. In letting people see the real you, not just the filtered version.

I also started practicing gratitude. Not in a "fake it till you make it" kind of way, but genuinely thanking God for what we had instead of obsessing over what we didn't have.

A roof over our heads. Food on the table. Healthy kids. A marriage that was still standing despite the struggles and financial stress. Small things that I'd overlooked for years while chasing bigger things.

Slowly, my perspective started to change. My identity started to shift from what I had to who I was. From what I earned to who I was created to be.

It didn't happen overnight. But it did happen.

Who Are You Without the Money?

Let me ask you something, and I want you to really think about it:

If you lost everything tomorrow (the job, the house, the car, the stuff), who would you be?

Not what would you do. Not how would you survive. But who would you be?

Would you still have value? Would you still matter? Would you still be worthy of love, respect, dignity?

I'm asking because I had to ask myself that question. And for a long time, I didn't have a good answer.

But here's what I know now: Yes. You would still have value. You would still matter. You would still be worthy. You would still be you. A Wife. A Mom. A Friend. You.

Because your worth was never tied to any of that in the first place.

You are a child of God. Made in His image. Loved beyond measure. Purposefully created. Uniquely gifted. Deeply valued.

That's who you are. That's your identity.

The money? The job? The house? The stuff? Those are just tools. Resources. Things you steward for a season.

But they're not you. They're not your worth. They're not your identity.

Proverbs 22:1 says, "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold."

Your name. Your character. Your integrity. Your heart. That's what matters. That's what lasts. That's what defines you.

Not your net worth. Your worth as a human being created by God.

The Freedom on the Other Side

Here's what happened when I finally started to separate my identity from my money:

I stopped comparing myself to everyone else. Or at least, I caught myself doing it and could shut it down faster.

I stopped feeling like a failure because of our debt. Yes, we made mistakes. Yes, we had work to do. But those mistakes didn't define me.

I stopped chasing promotions and raises like my life depended on them. Don't get me wrong, I still worked hard. But I wasn't trying to earn my worth through my paycheck anymore.

I started making financial decisions based on what was right for our family, not what would make us look successful to other people.

And honestly? I started sleeping better. The weight of trying to prove my value through money was exhausting. Letting that go felt like I could finally breathe.

There's freedom in knowing who you are. Real, deep, unshakeable freedom.

And friend, I want that for you too.

Your Turn

So let me ask you: Where have you been tying your identity to your income? To your possessions? To your ability to keep up with everyone else?

What would it feel like to let that go? To know that your worth was already set, already secure, already unshakeable, regardless of what's in your bank account?

I know it's scary. I know it feels vulnerable. But I promise you, there's freedom waiting on the other side of that fear.

Drop a comment below. Tell me what resonated with you. Or if you're brave, tell me where you've been tying your identity to money. Let's be honest together. Let's remind each other of the truth.

And if you're ready to start untangling your identity from your finances, if you're ready to build a financial life that reflects your actual values instead of everyone else's expectations, click the button below and schedule a free call with me. Let's talk about where you are and where you want to be.

You don't have to do this alone. And you don't have to keep pretending.

Next week: Money Personalities—how your past is spending your present.